Not In Jersey: Why I Can’t Hear Your Birth Story Why I Can’t Hear Your Birth Story - Not In Jersey

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Why I Can’t Hear Your Birth Story

You had a textbook birth. You had some contractions or maybe your water broke so you went to the hospital. Your baby handled contractions well and so did you. Maybe you got an epidural, maybe you didn’t. You went through labor and in a few hours you pushed out a baby. I am envious. And I think “why couldn’t that be me?”

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Your doctor told you your baby is probably going to be too big, so you happily scheduled a c-section. Or you had an emergency c-section the first time and realized that the best idea would be to schedule a repeat c-section for this one. You recovered easily from the surgery and you feel that a c-section is an acceptable way to give birth. I am jealous. And sad. And I wonder why my c-sections were so hard for me.

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You came to the hospital with contractions. You were given pitocin and an epidural. Your baby’s heart rate dipped a few times. The doctor decided a c-section would be the best way to go. You are ok with this. Or maybe you aren’t. You tried for a VBAC and didn’t succeed. Maybe you arrived at the hospital thinking you could have a vaginal birth and the doctors told you it wasn’t possible. Or maybe the doctors let you labor for hours, but you still didn’t progress. It was a c-section in the end, of course. You feel like you aren’t a real mom or that your body failed you. I can relate. You are me.

The Life Of Faith

17 comments:

Janine Huldie said...

I was almost you the first time out and I cried form fear of a c-section. Yes, I was terrified of the thought of a c-section. I remember taking the childbirth class and seeing the video on this. Not much ever effected or bothered me before, but this truly made me faint and a bit nauseous, too. So, when they began my induction with Emma and her heart-rate dropped to be told, if they hooked me up again to the Pit and her heart-rate did the same thing I was going for a c-section, I seriously cried out of fear. Thankfully her heart-rate did fine the next time, but then I wasn't progressing as much as they would have liked and was told the same thing again that if I didn't progress more in the next hour, c-section time. And again I panicked. Only to have my body go from 2 cm to 10 cm in an hour's time.

I truly felt your pain just a bit reading this and so sorry, but just happy that you have your three, beautiful children and that in end it worked out, but trust me I was the biggest wimp on this thought possible and give you huge props doing c-sections three times!

Kimberley Tobin said...

I could have written this post <3

Lanaya | Raising Reagan said...

I'm could feel your pain in this post.
The best thing is that you have three beautiful healthy children.
So while we all have different birth stories, we as mothers respect everyones.

¤´¨)
¸.•*´
(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
Raising-Reagan.com

Tamara Camera said...

My first birth was pretty textbook, in a good way. My second birth was even easier but after the birth, 36 hours later, we had a NICU nightmare for six days. So it's been hard for me not to hear birth stories, but to hear about babies who just get to go home healthily without suspected infections or breathing too shallow type problems.

mail4rosey said...

This is a very touching post, and I don't even have the words. Thank you for sharing it. I found it linked to Super Sunday Sync.

Kera @ Nugget On A Budget said...

Being so close to giving birth this 2nd time, I loved reading this Dara. It's very heartfelt and I can feel your disappointment and emotion coming through. I always like posts like that. Makes me realize I shouldn't feel annoyed at this baby taking forever to get here ~ I should just be happy that she's still doing fine, I don't need to schedule an inducement {and hopefully won't need to}, and that I had a natural healthy birth with Sofia as well.

Lindsay said...

I totally, totally understand. I am you, too. I was put on bedrest halfway through my pregnancy and hated it. It was my first pregnancy. I wanted to keep walking on the beach in the mornings reading out loud to my baby by the water. I wanted to walk through the mall and have people ask how far along I was. I wanted to feel like a mom, but I didn't. I sat in bed and had to urinate in jugs (preeclampsia) and watch my feet swell so large that I would sob and my husband would have to carry me to the bathroom. They moved up my c-section for 36 weeks. The night before, my water broke. My body just couldn't handle it anymore. Instead of my planned c-section the next day, I had an emergency one. The preeclampsia wouldn't quit. They couldn't lower my pressure post-delivery. I was given drugs to stop preeclamptic seizures. They rendered me unconscious for a couple of days. I held my son for the first time when he was already close to two days old. I had to stay on the drugs to stop seizures and wasn't able to breastfeed like I planned. I spent the first 3-4 months of my son's life in a depression so deep, not feeling like a mother or a woman, that I don't remember many of the details. My husband was working and on Mom Duty because I was so depressed. To make matters worse, I became anemic post c-section and couldn't walk to the bathroom without almost fainting. It was brutal. And I hear so many people with these magical birth stories and to this day it still tugs at my heart a little bit, and I wonder why that couldn't have been me. It's one of the reasons I've been holding off on having more children, if I'm being honest. Just nervous to go through that again and have Ethan here with me now to witness it all.

Jessica Eustace said...

Love this more then you know!! When I was pregnant with my little one I was so bent on NOT having a c-section that I didn't read not a word on it. I should have known better, I ended up having a c-section as well. It was not easy at all. I felt so much during the surgery, had a horrible time in the hospital, and the pain was even worse. They had given me so much medicine, I don't even remember holding my child for the first time and family members besides my husband held her before I did. It was such an awful experience. I didn't have much time to think about what was really about to happen but I've had 5 years already to think about the next one and I am petrified. Some days I feel robbed of some experiences that other moms get when there babies are born but I am also thankful that I did have a healthy child.

Terri Lynn Grothe said...

I enjoyed this, so many women need to read this, my labor was not what i pictured but 2 hours total so im ok with that :)

Megan|BishopPlaceHandmade said...

All I can say is AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!! You need to read this post:

http://mrsvolnoff.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-truth-about-madisons-birth-day.html

These are true emotions, and a lot of women feel this way!! Props to ya for being so bold and for sharing them with the world! I envy women who have felt contractions. Isn't that weird? I don't know what contractions feel like, but I have a daughter?? I want to feel them. I want my body to be taken over by labor. Weird? Yes? Normal? IDK, but it's real!!

Holly Higgins said...

You know how I feel. Hugs!

Myndee said...

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that your birth(s) were not what you planned. I'm sorry that it hurts. I want you to know that it is OKAY to grieve that. It is okay to be upset about the birth and still be thankful for your children. I hope as time goes on you can heal.

niccupp said...

With my firstborn, the doctor didn't tell me when they were removing my son. They said, "Do you hear your baby crying?" I felt horrible. How on earth did I miss the birth of my firstborn? How many moms can say they missed their own child's birth?

With my second son, I told the doctor that I wanted to watch them remove him. It was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed and I am so thankful the doctor allowed it. He said most moms would be sick to see that, but I had to see him being born. It was beautiful.

Blessings to you.

Leslie @ Violet Imperfection said...

This post is wonderfully written and so heartfelt. I can relate. My pregnancy and birth did not goes as I had envisioned at all and I worry south if we have another baby how will it go.

Mel@Mellywood's Mansion said...

I spent years feeling like a failure, but you know what, it was a wasted emotion, I had all of them via c section, I never got the opportunity to labor but I am lucky because I am a Mum plenty of other woman I know would kill for a C section and the complications I had if it meant holding their own child so now I just think I was damn lucky!

The Life Of Faith said...

Every birth story is different, unique and so very special. Birth is amazing no matter which way it happens:) Thanks for linking this post up to Mommy Moments last week. Your post was the most clicked on and will be featured in this week's link up! Congrats:)

Jessica said...

thanks for being honest and raw with your words.