Not In Jersey: Tuesday Topics–1 Guilty Pleasure Tuesday Topics–1 Guilty Pleasure - Not In Jersey

Tuesday Topics–1 Guilty Pleasure

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Austin Family Diary
I bet if you’re a mother you’ve experienced Mommy Guilt. No? Well lucky you. And I’m only getting upset at you for never experiencing it because I feel guilty that I have.

Let me back up a bit. As you know I’m a stay at home mom, but when Gabbie was a baby I worked. When she was 5 months old I accepted a job as a school counselor, replacing someone while she was on maternity leave. The minute I took the job and hung up the phone, I started to cry because I’d be leaving my baby. That job only lasted a short time, but I worked 2 other jobs between then and the time Zachary was born and therefore Gabbie went to daycare. After Zachary was born, Gabbie continued going to daycare a few days per week over that first summer – and that’s when the Mommy Guilt officially started – I’m a stay at home mom but my child goes to daycare.

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Just to get all the justifications out of the way – Gabbie only stayed in daycare for that summer when Zachary was a newborn. Then she started preschool at age 3 – she went 3 days a week and Zachary was at home with me. Next, Zachary started preschool at age 2 – he went 2 days a week. I was pregnant with Simon and therefore had those few hours to myself. Guilty. Finally, Simon went to preschool last year one day a week (January-May) and this year two days a week. I am by myself for 3.5 hours twice a week and I love it. Majorly guilty.

To make clear what I’m saying here: My guilty pleasure is the few hours a week I get to myself when all my kids are all at school. When I get to be in the house in silence, with no one on top of me or asking me for things. When I can go to the store and shop without having to distract someone else. When I only need to take care of myself.

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Have you ever noticed that people get offended if you accuse them of something that is true? That’s probably because they feel guilty about it. If I lose those few hours I kind of freak out. I have become a little dependent on having them. And so, when there are a bunch of snow days in a row and a few days of sick kids at home and I don’t get my few hours off, I get stressed. And then if you say to me “Why are you upset? Enjoy this time with your kids!” that makes me feel worse, because I realize I don’t enjoy them when they are home when they aren’t supposed to be. And then I feel guilty. And get upset at you. When I’m really upset at me.

So yes, I do love my kids. But I also love when they’re not home. And I most definitely feel guilty about that.

Also linking to:
Mommy-Brain Mixer